


if you would've been the one

by thegreenfairy246



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Character Death, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, F/M, Hunter's Funeral (Supernatural), Sad Ending, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:41:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26853883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreenfairy246/pseuds/thegreenfairy246
Summary: dean misses you. it's becoming a problem for him.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/You
Kudos: 10





	if you would've been the one

The bunker library was not Dean's favorite place. It usually involved looking for lore about some awful creature he had to try to kill. But today, it just involved some Vonnegut, a beer, and you. Your arms wrapped around Dean's shoulders as you kissed his cheek. "Hi baby. What're you doing?"

Dean shut the book he was reading. "Nothing now." You had started pressing kisses along his neck, and Dean asked with a sigh, "What're you doing?"

"Mm. Nothing. I just love you is all."

"I love you too. How'd I get so lucky?"

You moved to stand in front of him. "A grave mistake."

Dean barked a laugh. "That's how it's gonna be?" You nodded. Dean pushed out his chair and pulled you into his lap. As you straddled Dean's lap you said, "You deserve good things Dean." Dean couldn't help himself and pressed a kiss to his lips. When you broke apart you whispered, "I want this with you forever." 

Dean smiled, "Me too, baby, me too."

All of a sudden, the dream faded away and Dean woke up. Smiling, he rolled over. Dean whispered, just in case you were still asleep. "I just had the best dream, baby." He reached out an arm to pull you closer, and was met with only a cold spot of mattress. He felt tears rolling down his cheeks and quickly wiped them away. If Dean still woke up crying some days, well that was nobody's business but his own. Rolling out of bed he slid on his robe, stopping to take a drink from his flask before making his way to the kitchen. As he reconsidered it, he slid the flask into his robe pocket before leaving the room. He found Sam at the table, breakfast all around him. 

Sam looked up as he entered, "Hey, good morning."

Dean grunted. "Morning. Coffee?"

"There's some left. There's also some bacon, it's this new veggie bacon. I really like it, but you should try-"

Dean held up a hand. "No one should be that enthusiastic about bacon that's not even real."

Sam gave him a look, and went back to his own breakfast. While Dean thought he wasn't looking, he snuck another drink of his flask. After breakfast, Sam asked if he'd organize the artifact room. Dean figured it would help keep his mind off of you, but he was wrong. As usual. His mind drifted off to your last day together, and the argument that ended it.

"Dean! Why are you being this way? Huh?"

"Y/N, would you just listen to me? It's better this way. You should have a life where you don't have to worry about things waiting around corners to kill you. Something horrible is going to happen to you and it's gonna be my fault."

"I want that life Dean! Don't you understand that? That life has you in it." Dean stays silent, so you continue. "You're afraid aren't you? We just keep getting closer and it scares the hell out of you. This is you pushing me away."

"This is me looking out for you!"

You scoffed. "Yeah, well, this is me leaving. You got your wish Dean. I'm gone."

"Dean!"

With a jolt, Dean realized where he was. In the artifact room, alone. Turning his head, he realizes Sam is in the doorway.

"What were you thinking about? You looked totally lost."

"Nothing. Just spaced out a little. You need something?"

If Sam didn't believe him, he didn't show it. "So get this. I think I found us a case."

Dean nodded. "That's great. Why don't you get Cas and go check it out?"

"I was thinking you and I could go."

"Why? Having an angel around is gonna be more helpful than me anyway."

Sam sighed. "Dean you have to get out of the bunker. I know Y/N's gone-"

"Sam-"

"You can't deal with it here. Not like this. You've gotta, I dunno man, you've just gotta get out."

"Fine. Whatever. We leave in an hour."

Finally arriving at the motel, Dean pulled open the door to the room and found Cas sitting on one of the beds. 

"Cas? What're you doing here?"

"Sam called me. He thought you might need help."

"It's just vampires?" Dean turned to look at Sam. "What were you thinking?"

Sam sighed. "Well, I really…I meant you. As in, just you."

"Sam, c'mon."

Cas interjected. "You're not doing well Dean. Sam just cares about you." 

"Oh, that's why you called Cas? What is this some kind of intervention?!"

"Dean, that's not what I was trying to do. I just wanted to help you. I thought maybe having Cas here, we could all talk about it- talk about Y/N."

He scoffed. "I don't need this. I'm taking a drive. Don't wait up." Dean slams the door behind him and climbs into the Impala.

Dean misses you, he's not an idiot, he knows that's what this is. He's a little tired of talking about it, is all. This is his life now, so what? He can get used to seeing your face in crowds he knows you're not in. Dreaming about you all the time is a walk in the park. Newsflash everybody, it's called adapting, he's had to do this his whole life. If Sam and Cas couldn't understand that, why was that his problem? Suddenly, Dean realizes he's heading towards the vamp nest the three of them had scouted earlier. Dean knows it's a little reckless, doing this on his own. But Baby is practically driving him there by herself. He'll blow off a little steam, no harm done. It's not like he's still 20. He's hunted far worse things by himself. Really, what's the worst that could happen?

Parking the Impala two streets over, he makes his way towards the nest. He takes out the two guards no problem. Once he's inside, something happens. There are so many of them. Earlier, they had only anticipated three, maybe four, but Dean finds ten at least. He takes out a few, but somewhere along the way he gets overwhelmed. A vampire gets right in his face and plunges a knife in his side. As Dean feels the blade twist, he can't help but think of you. The fangs sliding out of the man's mouth, coming straight for him, don't even scare him. As they sink into his neck, your face came to his mind. He figures that's not such a bad way to go out.

\------

"Dean's not here?"

Cas grimaced. "I haven't seen him, no."

"Huh. I mean, he'll probably be pissed, but you wanna head out? Making our move early was the plan, if Dean's not here I don't see the point in waiting around."

"That's fine with me. If you're sure."

Sam chuckled. "Dean's gotta be somewhere sleeping it off. He'll just have to get over it."

Since the Impala was still gone, they take Cas' car. They park two streets over, just like they planned. Sam felt a knot form in his stomach when he saw the Impala parked there as well.

"What's the Impala doing here?"

"I don't know Sam."

Sam convinces himself Dean wouldn't have been so dumb as to take on vampires alone, and they move on. Sam and Cas make their way around the corner of the warehouse, and spot two new vampires standing guard.

Turning to look at Cas he whispered, "Shift change?"

Cas shrugs. They move around the corner and each kill a vampire. As soon as they walk inside, the vampires know they're there. Sam and Cas both get grabbed and slammed against the wall. A man gets in Sam's face. "You shouldn't have split up this time. Didn't go so well for Dean over there. Maybe you'll do better? I doubt it, but you're welcome to try." The vampire let his fangs slid out and waited for Sam to make his move.

Sam feels his heart stop when he sees that the body strung up in the back corner is, in fact, his brother. The anger must fuel him because, in no time at all, the four vampires around him are all dead. Looking around, he realized Cas had killed the other few. Even though he didn't want to, he walked towards Dean. Cas untied his hands, and his body slumped in Sam's arms. 

Quickly thumbing away his tears, Sam said, "Let's get him back to the bunker."

Hours later, Sam is sitting in the bunker's library waiting for Cas to come back. He went to Heaven to see if he could find Dean. Dean, Dean's body at least, is in the infirmary. The quiet is enough to suffocate Sam. There's no music coming from Dean's room, no noises in the kitchen. He's got no idea how to live like this. What's he going to do in this place by himself?

Sam jumps right out of his seat when he hears the bunker door creak open. "Well? Did you find him?"

"I went to Heaven, and I did find him. Sam," Cas pauses, and takes a deep breath. "Sam, I saw his Heaven. He's happy there. He's in his memories with Y/N, your parents, all your lost friends. I'm not sure if we should-"

Sam cut him off. "I know. He was miserable here. He tried to hide it, but I know he missed Y/N."

Cas nodded. "He has been sad a very long time."

"If he's happy up there, maybe…maybe we leave him alone. Let death stick for once."

"Are you sure?"

Sam chuckes. "No. Not at all. But I think it's the right thing to do."

Sam finally convinced himself to go into Dean's room. He needed to find clothes to put Dean in, but he hadn't wanted to break the spell. As long as the door was closed, maybe Dean was still coming back. Maybe he was just out for supplies, not gone forever. When the door opened, Sam felt like he was walking into a time machine. Dean's room was frozen exactly as he'd left it. Venturing towards his closet, he started looking for clothes, but got distracted. In the top of the closet, Sam saw a box labeled "For Y/N". His interest piqued, he ripped the top open. Inside he found old flannels, concert tickets, and letters. One envelope stuck out from the rest. It had never been mailed, the writing on the outside simply said, "Y/N. Just in Case." Without really thinking about it, Sam picks up the box and carries it to the Impala's trunk. He finds himself at your new place soon after.

After knocking on your door, Sam hopes that you won't answer. If you don't answer, he won't have to tell you such awful news. He won't have to break your heart. His hopes are dashed as you pull the door open.

"Sam? What are you doing here? It's so good to see you!"

Sam smiled. "You too. I, uh, I have news. Bad news."

The smile fades away from you face, replaced by a frown. "What's wrong?"

"It's Dean…he, uh, he died."

Sam watched the news roll over you. "What? You've got to be joking." You started to laugh. "You're pulling my leg, Sam."

"Y/N, I'm not." Abruptly, your laughter stopped. "I know you two hadn't talked in a while, but he left this for you. I found it in his closet. I think he would have wanted you to have it." Sam held out the box and watched your hands shake as they took it from him.

With watery eyes you asked, "What happened to him?"

"A vamp nest. He, uh, he went in alone. I dunno what he was thinking."

You gasped. "Alone? Oh my god."

Sam chuckled darkly. "They overwhelmed him, I guess. There were just too many. Cas and I went back the next day, like we had planned, but he was already…well you know."

"Sam I'm so sorry."

"Me too. Cas and I, we're gonna give him a hunter's funeral if you want to come."

"Yeah. I'll be there. Just text me the details."

Sam hugged you and turned to walk away.

You called after him, "A world without Dean Winchester. What kind of a world is that gonna be?"

Sam looked back at you. "A darker one, that's for sure."

\------

As soon as Sam was gone, you shut your front door and carried the box to your kitchen table. Taking a deep breath, you tore the seal on the box, trying and failing to prepare yourself for what was inside. First, you saw an envelope with the words "Y/N. Just in Case." on the front. You decided to save that for last. Sifting through the rest, you found Dean's old flannels and tee shirts. You pulled one out and slid it on. You also found mementos. Tickets to concerts you'd gone to together, letters you'd sent to him, and pictures of the two of you. A ticket stub from the Bob Seger concert you took him to for his birthday stopped you cold. It took you right back to the arena that night, singing with Dean, never imagining there'd come a day you wouldn't be together. Laying in the bottom of the box was a necklace. The necklace he'd given you for your birthday, one of the last years you were together. It was a pendant with a tiny D engraved in it. You slid the oversized chain over your head and held the pendant against your heart.

Sorting through it all made you miss him even more. You wanted to know what he'd been thinking, why he had chosen to save these things, but you'd never get to ask him. After you'd looked at everything, you pulled the letter addressed to you back out.

Y/N,

If you're reading this, I must be gone. Don't go getting too weepy on me. There are some things that I need you to know. I'm sorry I never said them to your face. Me and emotions aren't very well acquainted, as I'm sure you remember. I did love you though. That, I never struggled with.

Baby, I never stopped missing you. Not even once. It was the biggest mistake of my life asking you to leave. I just wanted…I wanted you to be safe. And happy. I messed up though, and I hope you can forgive me.

I know what you wanted, a life with me. You'll never know how desperately I wanted to give it to you. You deserve the apple pie life baby. I couldn't have ever given that to you. Promise me you'll do anything you can to find it somewhere.

I hope you're happy, really truly happy. That's all I ever wanted for you. Wherever I am, I'm still madly in love with you. 

Forever.

D x

You spend the night curled in bed, crying.

You've never hated the drive to Lebanon, Kansas more. When the bunker comes into sight, the pit in your stomach almost makes you throw up. The knowledge that Dean isn't inside, and he isn't going to hug you when you walk in enters your mind. It's enough to make you want to cry already. You text Sam and tell him you're there. Shortly after, he and Cas come out carrying something wrapped in white that looked suspiciously like a body. You get out of your car and watch as they place him in the backseat of the Impala. 

Sam turned to you and hugged you. "Hi Y/N. I'm glad you came."

"Me too."

Breaking apart, you moved to hug Cas as well. "Hi Cas. It's been too long."

"I agree. It's nice to see you."

"You too."

Sam said, "The pyre is a few miles away. You can follow or ride with us?"

"I'll ride with you."

The fact that Dean was dead hadn't sunk in. Sure, Sam had told you and you had cried, but there was no proof. If you had wanted to, you could've just gone on pretending he was still out there. But as you watched the flames lick at what you knew was his body, all that shattered. The only thing you could think about what that you would never see him again.

Later, back at the bunker, the three of you were crowded around the kitchen table sharing a bottle of scotch.

"I shouldn't have left. I should've come back or just not listened. If I had been here he never would've…"

Cas stopped you. "You can't blame yourself Y/N. This isn't your fault."

You smiled. "I know. Just feels like it is, I guess." You rose from your seat and said, "I'll be back. I just need…a minute."

Your feet seemed to carry you towards Dean's room on their own. As you looked around, it looked just as you remembered it. Tears welled in your eyes as you noticed a picture on his desk. It was from the Bob Seger concert you had gone to together. Dean had his arm around you and you both had huge grins. 

"He loved that picture, kept it in his wallet."

You jumped and turned to see Sam in the doorway. You spoke around the lump in your throat. "Yeah? Do you mind if I take it?"

Sam shook his head. "Not at all. He'd want you to have it."

The comment makes your tears run over. "I can't believe he's really gone."

Sam wraps you in a hug. "I know. It still doesn't seem real."

"What're we gonna do with ourselves?"

"I don't know. I really have no idea. We're gonna keep trying to figure it out though." Sam pulled away. "God, Y/N, it's been so good to see you." 

You smiled. "You too."

Sam chuckled. "Better circumstances would have been good."

You smiled sadly. "I know. You call me if you need anything. Anything at all."

"Will do. Be safe."

Grinning, you said, "Always am."

Once you were outside and in your car, you stuck the picture next to your gas gage. After touching the pendant around your neck for a moment, you put your car in gear and pulled away from the bunker.

"The last time we took a road trip, you picked the music. I think you'd approve of this one though."

You slid the first mixtape Dean had ever made you into the cassette player, and let the first chords of "Against the Wind" wash over you. You looked at the grin on Dean's face in that picture. "This is just a different kind of adventure, baby. We'll be okay." You knew it was just you in that car, but you'd never felt less alone.

**Author's Note:**

> thank y'all for reading! if you liked it you can follow me @scoobydean


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